Love Me, Love Me Not Page 19

  CHAPTER 23

  “How was therapy?” Gigi asks when I climb into her SUV a couple of weeks later.

  “Good.”

  I’ve been visiting a therapist ever since Gil found me and Brad in the basement. He thought it would help me work through my “trust” issues and come to some sort of happy place with my mom. I think he’s expecting a “Kumbaya” moment. Like that would ever happen. I’ve wasted way too many tears and too much energy on her already. The kid shouldn’t be expected to make things right. If she can’t do it, I’m not, either.

  But I still go to therapy. I’m just relieved Gil never suspected the truth between me and Brad. If I need to go to therapy to keep playing along, that’s what I’ll do. It’s really a small price to pay.

  “Oh, before I forget—do you want to go to the game in Raleigh on Saturday with us or with your friends?” Gigi asks, looking in her side-view mirror for an opening in traffic.

  It’s the regional finals for Brad. If they win, they’ll be in the championship game. I’m sure Brad not only sees the championship, but also his path to Duke since the recruiter said he had to see how Brad finished the season. He’s got a lot riding on these next two games, but you’d never know it by looking at him. He’s calm, cool, and collected, just like always.

  The outcome of the game doesn’t mean anything to me because either way, he’s leaving Pinehurst. Whether he moves to Winston-Salem or Durham, there’s a good chance it will be the last I’ll see of him. I’d prefer it if he’d stay right here, but there’s nothing in this town for him. It’s a bad situation—his happiness versus my happiness. It’d be nice if there were an ending to make everyone happy, but that’s not life.

  You’d think I’d be an expert on disappointment by now and completely unfazed by it, but I’m not. It still stings. Maybe even more than it used to. I guess that’s my prize for finding people I can count on—more pain when we eventually go our separate ways.

  I say, “I’ll probably go to the game with you and just meet up with my friends there.”

  “Okay.” She pulls away from the curb, turns off her signal, and says, “Do you mind if we stay in Raleigh for a few hours after the game? I’d like to do some Christmas shopping.” She pauses. “Actually, why don’t you invite Brittany? Then the two of you can hang out at the mall while Gil and I shop.”

  “Sure, sounds like fun.”

  She changes lanes and then asks, “So, how’s school going?”

  “Fine. I got a B-plus on my last geometry test.”

  “That’s wonderful. Your grades continue to go up and up. You could probably get into college if you wanted.”

  I slowly turn my head to watch her. She’s never talked to me about college before, and I wonder if Brad mentioned it to her.

  “You think?” I ask cautiously.

  “Yes. Do you want to go?”

  “I’m not sure.” It’s the truth. I’ve been thinking about it more and more since Brad and I talked. Part of me has always dreamed of going, but another part of me assumes that’s all it is—a dream.

  She pauses while braking for a turning car in front of her, then asks, “What’s your hesitation?”

  I shrug. “It just seems like a lot. What if … I can’t handle it?” This is the first time I’ve ever put my fear into words. Chase told me over and over again I couldn’t do it. What if I try and only prove him right?

  “You’re scared you’ll fail?”

  “Maybe … yes.”

  We stop at a light, and she turns to face me. “You should never make important decisions based on fear. Isn’t it better to try and fail than not to try at all? At least then you could say you gave it your best shot. Not that I think you’d fail. You’re doing well in school now.”

  “I guess.” Of course, there’s also the issue of all the changes that will hit with my birthday. I probably need to make sure I have a place to live and food to eat before I start thinking about luxuries like college. “It’s just … I’ve got a lot of changes coming up,” I say with a shrug.

  “Because you’ll age out of foster care?”

  I nod. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “Honestly?”

  She glances over at me. “Yes, honestly.”

  Staring out the window, I watch the people walking from one store to another at the strip mall. It’s not easy to tell her what I want because I know it’s asking too much of them. They’ve already given me more than I ever imagined and I’m going to ask for even more? How selfish does that make me?

  Gigi reaches over and pats my knee.

  With a sigh, I say, “I want to stay with you until graduation, but I know it’s greedy of me.”

  “Oh, honey,” she says, squeezing my shoulder, “we just assumed you’d stay here through at least graduation, if not the summer.”

  Her one little sentence starts to lift an elephant-sized weight off my chest. Would they actually allow me to stay? “Really?” I ask. “You’d do that for me?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “I’ll pick up more chores, and I don’t need an allowance,” I say quickly, before she can change her mind.

  An angry honk sounds behind us, drawing Gigi’s attention back to the road. The light’s green, and the whole line of traffic is waiting on us. “Don’t worry about that,” she says, turning left.

  “I don’t want to be a freeloader when DSS stops paying.”

  “You won’t be a freeloader. We never planned on keeping the checks anyway. We’ve been saving all the money and will give it to you when you turn eighteen, so you’ll have something to help you get started.”

  My jaw falls to the ground. Why would they do that? It’s beyond generous. The money is supposed to cover all my expenses. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “Hailey, we never did this for the money. We did this because we want to help you. We want you to go to college, but if you choose not to, you can stay here as long as you need to find a job and save up enough money to get a car and a place of your own.”

  I stare out the window in shock. I’m just some random girl thrown into their home, but they’re treating me like family. It’s almost like they’re my real parents. Well, normal real parents, not my real, real parents.

  The fear that’s been gnawing on my insides for the last few weeks starts to fade. I won’t be spending my eighteenth birthday in a homeless shelter somewhere. And I’ll actually have enough money for a deposit on an apartment whenever I need it. This may not seem like much to Gigi, but it changes everything for me. The corners of my eyes start stinging, and I fight back happy tears.

  “Do you mind if we stop at the store?” Gigi asks. “I need to pick up a few last-minute things for Thanksgiving tomorrow.”

  I shake my head because I don’t trust my voice. I might actually be able to make all this work and go to college. Me. College. It’s … unbelievable, really. How many times did Chase tell me it wouldn’t happen? How many times did my mom tell me I wouldn’t even finish high school? Enough to make me believe it. But they could both be wrong. I could actually do it. If I can just get my GPA up a little, my application might have a fighting chance.

  I pinch myself. The small red mark makes it clear I’m wide awake. Everything is completely real, yet as unbelievable as the craziest dreams I’ve ever had.

  CHAPTER 24

  Three days later, it’s Brad’s big day. After showering, I head downstairs to eat a quick breakfast before we leave for the semifinal game. I grab some cereal from the pantry and pour it into a bowl.

  As I’m adding milk, Gigi enters, talking on her phone.

  I ignore her conversation about some big client coming into her store today and think about the game. During Thanksgiving, Brad’s uncle asked him how he thought they’d do, and Brad seemed very confident. It’d be nice if the win could come as easily as Brad said it would.

  “Good morning, Hailey,” Gigi says, laying her phone on
the counter when she’s finished.

  “Good morning.”

  “Is Brad up?”

  I shrug. “I haven’t seen him yet.”

  She walks into the living room and looks up at the landing. “Bradley!” she yells.

  “Yes?” he asks, coming down the stairs into the kitchen.

  “Oh, sorry,” Gigi replies. “I thought you overslept.”

  “No chance of that.” He looks at me and smiles. “Good morning.”

  I smile back and focus on my cereal as he puts four waffles in the toaster before grabbing a bottle of Gatorade and a Clif Bar.

  After downing half the Gatorade in a couple of gulps, he sits next to me and tears open the bar as he waits for his waffles.

  “Are you nervous?” I ask.

  “Nah,” he says, nudging my leg with his own under the table. He leaves it pressed up against me. I glance at Gigi, but she’s focused on adding sugar and cream to her coffee.

  “I don’t get nervous,” he continues.

  Gigi snorts from the other side of the room.

  “I think your mom disagrees.”

  “Brad used to get so nervous before games we’d have to take a bucket in the car. He’d throw up once or twice on the way there!”

  He makes a face at her back. “I haven’t done that in years.”

  “No, instead, you have your pregame ritual.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with a good-luck charm.”

  I turn to see him better and tuck my foot underneath me on the chair. “What is your good-luck charm?”

  “Have you ever noticed how he paces in the end zone before a game?” Gigi asks, stepping to the refrigerator.

  “Yes…”

  “Mom!” Brad yells, glaring at her back.

  She glances over her shoulder and smiles at him. “You said there’s nothing wrong with a good-luck charm.”

  “What exactly do you do in the end zone?” I ask.

  “Nothing.”

  “Are you blushing?”

  “No.”

  “Yes, you are.” He’s adorable when he blushes. I wish I could see it more often, but he’s hardly ever embarrassed, unlike me.

  He rolls his eyes and takes a bite of his bar.

  “Now I’ve really got to know what you do.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “What is it, Gigi?”

  She laughs and points a spoon at the two of us. “Tell her, Brad. It’s cute. She’ll like it.”

  “Fine. I talk to the ball, okay?” he says, holding his hands out in front of himself, like he just surrendered in a war.

  “You talk to the ball?”

  “Yeah. It’s like a pep talk.”

  “For the ball?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Does it listen to you?” I try to keep a straight face but totally fail.

  “Very funny.”

  “I’d love to hear what you say.”

  “No, you wouldn’t.”

  “I would, too,” Gigi adds, grabbing a container of yogurt from the fridge. “Do you tell it to keep a tight spiral?”

  “Or to stay nice and inflated throughout the whole game?” I ask.

  “Or to home in on your receiver’s hands like a ballistic missile?”

  “I’ve had enough,” he says, pushing his chair back just as the waffle pops up. He gives my shoulder a quick squeeze while Gigi reaches back into the fridge for something else. “I’ll be looking for you in the stands,” he whispers.

  I smile and say, “Good luck.”

  *

  “Ooh, let’s go in here,” Michelle says, leading us into a store that has cute but no doubt superexpensive clothes in the window.

  Brittany and I sat with her, Abbie, Adam, and one of Adam’s friends at the game. The win didn’t come as easily as Brad thought it would, but they hung in there and got a last-minute touchdown, sealing the deal. The Patriots are now in the championship game next week. Brad is one win away from his dream of Duke.

  When the game ended, Abbie found out about our plans to go to the mall, and they all decided to join us. Adam and his friend disappeared into a video-game store the minute we got here. I don’t mind spending time with Abbie, but Michelle’s already getting on my nerves. She insists on going into all the expensive stores and turns up her nose anytime Brittany or I suggest one that has stuff we could actually afford.

  I flip the tag on the first thing I see in the current store and my suspicions are confirmed. I will not be buying anything from here. Brittany and I lean against the wall near the entrance, waiting for Abbie and Michelle to finish.

  “Maybe we should just ditch them,” Brittany suggests.

  “That’d be rude.”

  “They invited themselves along! And we go in three stores Michelle wants for every one we want.”

  “If it were just Michelle, I’d have ditched her an hour ago, but it’s not fair to Abbie.”

  Brittany scrunches up her face, but agrees.

  After a few minutes, she stands up straight and steps into the doorway, something in the mall obviously catching her attention. “Hey … is that…,” she asks, pointing to a bench not too far from us, “your ex?”

  Her words make my heart momentarily stop, but then I realize there’s no way. What would he be doing in a random mall in a city an hour from home at the exact same time as me? It’s impossible. I join her by the door, now curious about the Chase look-alike.

  He’s facing away from us, so it’s hard to tell anything.

  “Wait until he turns around,” Brittany says. “I swear it’s him.”

  It only takes a minute for him to face us, and my heart to stop for real. It is him.

  Crap, crap, crap.

  I slink back inside the store and hide behind a mannequin. There is no way I’m leaving until he’s gone.

  Brittany joins me but positions herself so she can see him through the window if she leans far enough to the right.

  “Did he see me?” I ask.

  “I don’t think so. He’s still talking to that other guy.”

  “Okay, good,” I reply, biting my nail, thinking about the odds of running into him here. They have to be like a thousand to one. Is he following me? It didn’t seem like it. It looked like he was in the middle of a deal out there, but this is way outside his normal territory. Maybe he’s thinking about branching out. Not that it matters to me. The only thing I care about is avoiding him the rest of our time at the mall. Maybe I should find Gigi and ask for the car keys. I could hang out in her SUV and listen to music for a few hours. That wouldn’t be so bad.

  “Ready?” Abbie asks, stepping next to us with another bag slung over her shoulder.

  “Not really,” I reply, continuing to gnaw on my thumbnail.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Her ex,” Brittany says, pointing out the window.

  Both Michelle and Abbie look toward the bench.

  “Oh yeah. I remember him from that one time at Brad’s. What’s his name? Chad?” Michelle asks.

  “Chase.”

  “Was it a bad breakup or something?”

  “Yeah,” I reply. I’m not getting into any details about me and Chase with Michelle. Luckily, she doesn’t push me for more information.

  “We can’t just hide in here,” Abbie says, tapping her fingers on a clothing rack. “What if the three of us surround you? We’ll block you from his view.”

  “Or we could wait until he leaves,” I suggest.

  “We have no idea how long that could take,” Michelle complains.

  “Actually, he’s leaving right now,” Brittany says.

  I sneak a peek around us, and relief washes over me when I see she’s correct. He’s almost out of sight already.

  We exit the store and go in the opposite direction of him, but I can’t stop glancing over my shoulder every couple of minutes, afraid he’s sneaking up on me.

  “I want to go in here,” Brittany says when we reach a place that looks more like my kind
of store, especially if they have a clearance rack. Michelle wrinkles her nose and says she’ll wait outside for us. I expect Abbie to stay with her, but she rolls her eyes and joins us, making me like her even a little bit more.

  I spend a few minutes constantly checking through the window for Chase, but then realize how ridiculous I’m being. There’s no way he’d come into a store like this. I’m safe in here. Out in the mall is a different story, but at least for now, I’m safe.

  “You should try this on,” Abbie says, holding up a pink-and-white summer dress in front of me.

  “How much is it?” I automatically ask.

  She checks the tag. “Originally forty dollars, but it’s seventy-five percent off.”

  “That is a good deal,” I say, fingering the soft fabric.

  “Here,” she says, shoving it into my hands. I take it, then check the sale rack where she got the dress and find another dress, a pair of jeans, and two shirts to try on. Brittany finds a few things, too, and we head to the dressing rooms. Abbie takes a seat, offering to watch our jackets and bags.

  Ten minutes later, I’m yanking off the jeans when I hear Michelle’s whiny voice again. “What’s taking so long?” she asks.

  “We’re almost done,” Brittany replies from the dressing area next to me. I hear the scrape of metal as she pushes the curtain aside. “It’s not like we haven’t waited on you a gazillion times today,” she says under her breath.

  I smile and pull one of the dresses over my head. It’s really cute. I step outside to get a second opinion and find Michelle sitting in the chair that was holding my jacket. I wouldn’t mind except my jacket is now lying in the middle of the floor where anyone could step on it or trip over it.

  I grab it and shove it in the corner, fighting the urge to give Michelle a dirty look as I model for Abbie. “What do you think? Should I get it?”

  “Definitely.”

  After we pay, I immediately become cautious again, but the others seem to have forgotten about Chase lurking around the mall. They’re all chatting as we exit the store, while my eyes scan the people walking by.

  Luckily, I don’t see him. I step next to Brittany and take a deep breath. I need to relax.

  “Hales.”

  Or not.

  It’s the familiar voice I was hoping never to hear again, coming from right behind me.